Just because...

Things we take for granted

2006-05-19T21:20:00.000-07:00

We breathe without thinking about it, someone with bronchitis or asthma may not take that for granted.

We drink when we're thirsty, people without running water would think twice about where to get their next drink of water.

We walk to and from work, someone without a job or legs for that matter wouldn't take either for granted.

I could go on and on about things we do every single day without a second thought, but I can't, for the life of me, see how anyone who found their true love can take spending time with them for granted. No matter how long you've lived together, no matter how mundane the things you do together, meet them and treat them everytime you see them like you've been apart for an eternity. Never take them for granted ever. God forbid you should come to face a terrible reality without them, all those moments together you didn't fully appreciate will be your greatest regret.

It sounds cheesy but I don't care, cherish every single moment together, I fully intend to.

Connection?

2006-04-06T11:59:00.000-07:00

Strangely enough this is the same day her flight leaves :'(

Spring Sun Pleeeaaassseeee!!!!

2006-04-06T11:56:00.000-07:00

For a friend I have neglected as of late

2005-11-10T00:18:00.000-07:00

I'll be here for you every day.
When you need me, I'll be here.
When you don't need me I'll still be here.
A shoulder to cry on, a friend to lean on.
When you need a person to talk to
I'll be here to comfort you,
and to hold your falling tears.
I'll be here, and I'll be there.
Waiting, hoping, that you'll come.

After You

2005-10-31T23:23:00.000-07:00

I never want to write this entry, for as long as we both shall live.

With You

2005-10-31T23:11:00.000-07:00

There's lots of things
With which I'm blessed,
Tho' my life's been both Sunny and Blue,
But of all my blessings,
This one's the best:
To have a friend like you.

In times of trouble
Friends will say,
"Just ask... I'll help you through it."
But you don't wait for me to ask,
You just get up
And you do it!

And I can think
Of nothing in life
That I could more wisely do,
Than know a friend,
And be a friend,
And love a friend... like you.

..........................................................................

Maybe she believes me, maybe not
Maybe I can marry her, maybe not

Maybe the wind on the prairie
The wind on the sea, maybe
Somebody, somewhere, maybe can tell

She will lay her head on my shoulder
And when I ask her she will say yes,
Maybe.

She Did!

Before You

2005-10-31T23:06:00.000-07:00

Lovers, forget your love
And list to the love of these
She a window flower
And he a winter breeze

When the frosty window veil
Was melted down at noon,
And the caged yellow bird
Hung over her in tune

He marked her through the pane
He could not help but mark
And only passed her by
To come again at dark

He was a winter wind
Concerned with ice and snow
Dead weeds and unmated birds
And little of love could know

But he sighed upon the sill
He gave the sash a shake
As witness all within
Who lay that night awake

Perchance he half prevailed
To win her for the flight
From the firelit looking-glass
And warm stove-window light

But the flower leaned aside
And thought of naught to say
And morning found the breeze
A hundred miles away

Autumn in Love

2005-10-10T08:45:00.000-07:00

I wish I could erase my memory of all the bad things I've seen and read, and keep the memories of love and bliss alone.

Feeling Dirty

2005-10-10T08:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I've posted anything, lots of work (but I guess nothing new there). I've been reading the news as of late, more than usual that is, and not from your usual mainstream sources. It's amazing how much they ignore or omit from their reports. Between prisoner abuse stories, arbitrary detention, and the slaughter of innocent civillians, I feel dirty because what taxes I do pay help in perpetuating those atrocities. I want to finish my time in this country as soon as possible and leave. I feel dirty just being here, and I'm not a citizen. I wonder how they can live with what their countrymen perpetrate in their names. The saying is true "ignorance is bliss", someday they will wake up, or at least I hope they will, but I'm afraid it will be too late to redeem themselves.

I wonder what some will say when faced with God come judgement day and they are asked WHY?

A good friend returns

2005-08-18T11:10:00.000-07:00

Welcome back, you've been dearly missed. With the current craziness I wish I could be there for when you come back, but alas I cannot. Soon Inshallah. Arrive safely.

2005-07-04T22:03:00.000-07:00

Simpler times...

Welcome Home

2005-06-20T11:35:00.000-07:00

It's been a long time since I wrote my last entry, not for lack of events but for lack of passion. It's been a while since I last felt like writing something down, but yesterday something or should I say someone lit the spark again.

MSN is no substitute for a real life with real friends, and more importantly a real companion. I walked in last night from work and as usual I turn on my TV and laptop. I log on to MSN...

Me: I'm baaaack

MiMi: Welcome home

Two simple words stir up so many feelings and memories. A long lost vision of how I saw my years here in this place passing. I come home and I'm greeted with "Welcome home" a hug and a kiss. Simple pleasures.

Till this day I don't see the place I live in, that I have lived in for 2 years now, as home. It's missing...lacking...something I can't describe, maybe the closest description would be life. I walk in the door and I am greeted with silence. Utter silence.

It all came back

2005-05-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

Over the last weekend the fates conspired to give me a flashback of my last year. It started with a stupid festival in library square, a year ago exactly was the first time my ex and I went out to that same festival. Then a comment "finally you're smiling". Those two things combined got me remembering the last year of my life. All the feelings came rushing back, the love and the pain bundled up together in a hateful little package that squeezed my heart.

But then I looked around and saw people laughing, green trees, spring in the air, and most importantly I remembered a very special someone who helped me erase all those feelings.

I survived a year of love, pain, and unbelievable stress, and I'm the better for it. The tears have dried up and I now realize what I want from someone I intend to spend the rest of my life with.

I have stability in my life...for now.

Crazy weather

2005-05-11T09:38:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought the weather here was getting better it takes a turn for the worse. The green hills outside my window are now white again, yes it snowed!!! in May!!!

So much for everyone telling me "oh, the winters here are mild", yeah, aha, right...

Window thoughts

2005-05-09T14:29:00.000-07:00

Looking out the window in my lab, I have this breathtaking scene for green hills and sky. Somedays it's blue others cloudy. The occassional jogger or biker travels across my field of vision. Displayed on the window to one side are pictures of places far far away and happy memories. How this little piece came to existance I don't know, there was no premeditated planning. I just now realize that I have managed to blend long gone past and a fleeting present in a heartaching scene that reminds me how considerably I have changed over the past few years. To complete the effect, especially on a gray day like this, flourescent lights reflect inward reminding me I am inside, not out there, not back in the pictures I took so long ago.

Life seemed much simpler then.

Jehan and Najlae Outside Macy's

2005-05-05T12:30:00.000-07:00

Jehan and Najlae Outside Macy's, originally uploaded by M.A.A..

I guess I have been lucky all along, I have you guys as friends :)

Thursday 05-05-05

2005-05-05T12:01:00.000-07:00

Apparently today is supposed to be pretty lucky, I've even heard of people flocking to Las Vegas to gamble and, if you can believe it, get married. The day for me however started out in pretty much the same humdrum way, nothing extraordinary lucky so far.

Like a certain friend of mine ;) I complain about too much to do, but when it comes down to it I also feel lost when I'm waiting and have nothing to do at the moment.

Strange sensation

2005-04-27T09:07:00.000-07:00

It's been a couple of days since I've been back at work, and it feels different, strange even. I have this overwhelming sense of calmness, no rush, everything is flowing along. I like this new feeling. Is this how it feels to settle down for a while with nothing major hanging over you to worry about?

"This too shall pass" and it has :)

2005-04-21T11:45:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since my last blog, I was in a living hell till yesterday.

My Prelim exam committee were giving me grief about details, in their words "the gory details", and I found myself looking up protocols for things I probably will never do. Experimental conditions, pH, concentrations, beta elimination reactions, electron transfers...etc.

But who cares now, I PASSED :) I'm FREEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

One of the more stressful periods of my life is finally over. It certainly wasn't the most stressful, but in contrast to other times it ended well!!! 7amdillah.

Now after a short break I'll get back to my normal daily life routine, which has been on hold for the last 2 1/2 months. This marks the end of a nightmare period of my life and I am enternally grateful it didn't turn out worse. I got my heart ripped out and handed to me on a platter true, but at least my career is still intact, and I have so many good friends to thank for getting me through this and being there for me day in and day out.

I love every last one of you guys.

How do you know you're in Love?

2005-03-29T01:10:00.000-07:00

I never thought I'd be on the receiving end of that question, but tonight it happened. Someone actually asked me! How do you know you're in Love? and I knew the answer without even thinking about it.

I remember a time when all I knew about love was what was described in the movies, and no I'm not talking about parents or siblings loving you. I mean honest to God, kill me rather than leave me, I'd throw myself in front of a car to save you, Love!

It's different I'm sure for each individual, so all I can say here is what I have experienced and know.

You start missing someone you've met.
You feel happy over the silliest conversations.
You can't stop smiling after getting off the phone.
Then you realize that you remember every little detail of your first face to face meeting, what she was wearing, what you were wearing, where you met, what the weather was like, what you talked about, her sitting back to the window, under the influence, the first time you felt her skin.
Most importantly you feel your day is incomplete without some kind of contact. It's called Yearning.
You care for this person, you care for their well-being.
You feel the urge to take care of this person fulfill their needs.
You feel the need to make this person happy.
It then all falls into place, I Love this person! I want to spend my life feeling this way!
There is no bigger rush than when that person says I Love You Too and mean it. Your heart wants to burst with joy.

But be warned, Love is dangerous too. You forgive someone you love a lot more than you think you could. This could go too far and the person you love ends up hurting you beyond repair. You give them chance after chance, then you realize, or you are rudely made to question...

Do they feel the same about you or was it all an act?

Be careful who you fall in Love with. I know that's easier said than done, but trust a fool who learnt the hard way. If you at least try, you'll save yourself a lot of grief later. Just don't cordon off your heart in the process. If no-one can see or feel it, there's not much chance of true Love.

The need to feel somebody cares

2005-03-24T23:59:00.000-07:00

I just realized how much the need to feel this motivates us. I don't know why it became clear just now, maybe it's living so far away from home, or maybe it takes a special kind of friend to make you feel this way. Whatever it is, I'm so grateful that I'm lucky enough to feel this everyday, and I hope I am making someone feel the same way :)

Picking up the pieces

2005-03-24T01:47:00.000-07:00

YAAAAYYYYY!!!!

The proposal is finally done. Printed, bound and ready to hand in. These have been the hardest 2 months of my life. My fiance' leaves me, perfect timing the week my exam period begins. The exam committee give me a hard time starting out, changing everything in my initial abstract. To top it all off, in the middle of writing the thing, they decide to add another section, as if it isn't long enough. Continuous stress...

Despite all this one person has really been there for me. Through it all they've shown me that someone actually cares, that my ex and her family were horrid towards me, and most importantly that I deserve better and shouldn't sell myself short.

I Love You...Thank You for being You :)

7amdillah everything does happen for a reason, now I can pick up the pieces of my life and move on...

Midnight conversation

2005-03-22T10:31:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm up I might as well share with you a glimpse into a beautiful soul.

Last night I was chatting online with a friend (no names required, they know who they are). I've only known this friend for a short while, a friend of a friend, but from day one this person showed qualities rarely seen in this day and age. Compassion, caring, and a quiet way of communicating their innermost thoughts.

Well yesterday I got a much better glimpse into their soul. I wish I could paint you a picture, but that would not serve them justice, and words are far less adequate. Looking in, it wasn't all rainbows and flowers, there was pain and sorrow, but graceful somehow...

Now I sit here trying to continue, my words fail me. How do you describe a rose blooming right in front of your eyes? What do you mention that won't take away from the magic of the scene?

You know who you are, don't change :)

8 hours sleep

2005-03-22T10:27:00.000-07:00

I went to sleep last night a little after 2am, and as usual woke up about 5 hours later. This time I thought "no, I'll go back to sleep, I don't have to go in till noon for the meeting". So I toss and turn for the next 3 hours, then finally get out of bed with the stiffest neck and worst headache ever. For those of you out there who complain that they can't get enough sleep, count your blessings that you can actually get a full 8 hours of sleep without feeling like crap!

Net connection

2005-03-20T23:34:00.000-07:00

It's amazing how our lives seem empty when we can't connect to the net. We get upset, frustrated, and feel out of touch just by not being able to connect. I guess this applies to single people away from their families. I never used to feel this way when I was back home. I recently learnt from a friend this is not unique to me ;)

For some reason we feel less alone when online, with instant messages, emails, and blogs of course. It's no substitute for direct human contact, but for sure it is the next best thing :)

Scenic Walk

2005-03-20T16:08:00.000-07:00

Scenic Walk, originally uploaded by M.A.A..

This is where I was this time two years ago. Boy I wish I was there.

Life Lessons

2005-03-20T13:24:00.000-07:00

Sitting on my couch reading paper after paper, it seems endless. If it weren't for the few friends I have this would have really seemed like hell. Just a few weeks ago I was rudely awakened from a long term relationship, heartbroken and angry. Only two weeks later I really experienced first hand "when God closes a door He opens a window". An old friend, who's been with me through thick and thin, showed me I deserved more from a relationship. I was made to feel like I was asking too much, apparently I wasn't.

As if that wasn't enough, I met two new friends, and these are the type of friends that come along once in a blue moon "you know who you are ;)". I thank God for everything that has happened. Valuable life lessons.

Everything happens for a reason :)

Purple premonitions

2005-03-20T01:18:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd start of my blog with a short story I wrote. My frame of mind has since changed from the sappy romantic I was then. I've had more than my fair share of hurt.

Purple Premonitions

M.A.A.

Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
Is’ always dark when she’s away
Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone
An’ she’s always gone too long
This time she’s gone to stay

The Poolside

Coming out of the room into the sunlight I felt relieved that it was finally over, and for the first time I took in the beauty of the place. Standing on the top flight of an outside stairwell the pool looked like a tropical paradise. A palm tree in the middle, waterfalls lapping the waters’ surface, and surrounded by high reaching walls, the place seemed serene.

The moments ago full room was now empty, everyone seeming to run away from what we all just went through. Me still riding the tail end of the most expensive adrenaline rush I’ve ever felt in my life.

Then a tap on my shoulder; “James, what are you still doing here?”
“Hi Roland” Not turning around “I could ask the same.”
“I live here remember.”
Dreamily “Yes you do, don’t you.”
Roland “Come on it wasn’t that bad, was it?”
Finally snapping out of my reverie “I would have preferred a three hour marathon along a crowded Cairo street” that I would end up doing both on this trip never crossed my mind.
“Come on lets relax by the pool get our minds of the whole damn fiasco.”

The sun was just setting over the west wall giving the place an orange glow. We sat down on the beach chairs surrounding the pool in silence, and I let the lapping sound of water carry me away. I felt refreshed, a weight lifting from my shoulders. My planning had paid off.

Looking back at my life, I was never lucky in the sense that everything came easy. I always felt I needed to work twice as hard as everybody else to get ahead, but I eventually got there. Although, sometimes I could have sworn that everything that could go wrong, setting me back a few paces in the process, always did go wrong. So I grew up the careful planning type, checking and rechecking before going ahead. This trip was no different. The flight and the hotel were booked a full month in advance, and the council got my notice of participation a full three months ahead of the deadline. Even that wasn’t without problems, but those events are for another place and time.

Coming back to where we were, a full hour had passed when something toppled my idea of a tidy little universe.

“Hi Roland” A voice I never thought I’d ever hear again in real life, turning around I almost fell out of my chair, “Oh hello, I didn’t see you there.”
Totally disoriented after my nap and surprised, all I could get out was a groggy “Hello.”
“James May. May James” So much for introductions; I frown at Roland who was never much in the department of proper, ”Ok!” getting my gist “May is a family friend from back home. James is a school buddy. We’re all here for the same reason I guess.”
“Nice to meet you”
“Likewise”

Letting my eyes adjust to the now darkening scene, I get a good look at the young lady sitting next to me. I let out a sigh of relief when I couldn’t match the voice that shook me moments ago with the face I see now.

“So what are we doing today?” that same high tone voice again, unmistakable.
“We haven’t decided yet. Any suggestions?” what she then says next is totally lost on me; I’ve gone into one of my daydreams again. This time taken back by her voice to six years ago.

Final Demands

“I want to go home, now” that same high tone voice demanding.
“But Sarah this is the last dose in the course” pleading with her to stay, but I could never say no to what she wanted. Her mother for that matter wasn’t much help either.
“I’m sick and tired of this. I’ve seen enough doctors to last me a lifetime, and I don’t want to see any more” she was on the verge of tears now “Do I have to say it. The treatment isn’t working, and it never will. All it’s doing is keeping me alive for a little longer, and I’m not sure I want to be”
“Please don’t say that, I love you and we’ll beat this thing together”
“No we won’t, and if you really love me take me home”

The only thing I remember from that final trip home is looking in the rearview mirror into her eyes. It broke my heart to see her this way. She always had that glint of mischief in her eyes, but it was gone now, they were glazed over. She new what was coming.

There and Back Again

“Are you ok buddy”, Roland hovering over me, the pool was darker now and the lights had come on; “I was worried there for a second. I thought you’d stopped breathing”
“Don’t be silly, I’m fine” swallowing back a tear and looking around for the cause of my sudden daydream. “So where are we going tonight?” trying to sound better than I felt.
“What have we been talking about the past ten minutes?!”
“Never mind, I’ll go get dressed, and you can tell me on the way. Where’s your friend?”, trying to sound nonchalant about the question.
“She went to do the same, Come on.”

Back in my room getting dressed it started to come back as clear as day.

Unanswered questions

It was the beginning of a summer I’d live to remember. The days were getting longer but it still wasn’t too hot and we’d just finished our finals in junior high. Everyone was gathered in the reception hall of the school, and there she was again.
Roland nudging me “Stop staring, she noticed this time. Brilliant here she comes.”

Ignoring Roland completely, I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I’d be a liar if I told you I didn’t notice her body first. Just the right height, sumptuous curves, and her heels, banned on regular school days, brought it all together. Her skin was that scarlet colour you can almost see blood flowing under, along with flowing chestnut hair down to her shoulders; She was a vision.

“Hello”

I looked up and noticed her eyes for the first time, nothing mattered anymore I couldn’t break eye contact. She had steel-grey eyes with a certain sparkle I later associated with her mischievous notions.

“Hello” trying to think of something smart to say, “I’m…”
“James. I know”
“You do?!” This was the first time in my life that a girl took notice of me.
“We take computer lab together. My name’s Sarah”

Brilliant another one asking for a favour. Can you help me with this, I can’t figure this one out… I just wish I could meet someone who doesn’t stop calling after they get what they want.

Sulkily; “Nice to meet you. This is my friend Roland.”
“Hi”
“Hi”
Ok, here it comes; “Will you be at computer camp this summer?”
With one eyebrow raised, I felt for the first time in my life totally in the dark about where this conversation was going; “Yes”
“Ok, bye”
Both of us totally thrown off our assumptions; “Bye!”
“What was that all about?”
“Beats me.”

On the Nile

Finally dressed, and with a smile on my face, we went to meet May in the lobby. We were headed for the high-class district of Cairo for a night out on the town. At least we could get some fun out of this trip.

Taking a cab, we threaded through the busy Cairo streets, near miss accidents at every corner seemed to be the norm. The streets were lit, and they seemed to be getting more crowded as we went along. More cars joining in from other side streets, and the sidewalks looked even more crowded than where we were; it wasn’t exactly New York but is was busy enough, and certainly louder. We finally broke out of the traffic and we were moving alongside the Nile.

The water was glittering with a million lights, all reflected from the bustling metropolis built around its’ banks. Riverboats lined on both banks were waiting to take to the water for another night of entertainment, and with an endless number of coffee shops, restaurants, and hotel terraces lining both banks; we were spoiled for choice.

We stopped the cab got out and started walking. Getting a little closer to the riverbank the din of the street started to die down, and we could hear each other again.

“How did you two meet?”
“We grew up together and graduated from the same class in university. She’s the top of our class.”
Blushing “No I’m not”
“You don’t have to be embarrassed; James here is the top of his.”
“Why do you have to keep bringing that up? We all graduated.”
Smiling, “True, but I like to see the colour rise in her face.”
Punching his shoulder, “I could never trust you too keep you mouth shut.”
“Ow!”
“How he can be a doctor when he can’t keep information to himself, I’ll never know.”
Smiling that finally someone can shut up Roland, even for a little while, “So where have we decided to eat, I’m famished.”
“You really were out of it! Were here.”

Going down the steps getting even closer to the water, I found out that they’d decided on one of those floating restaurants. It wasn’t going anywhere but the gentle rocking motion was quite soothing.

After being shown to a small table next to the water, I noticed that we were quite early for dinner,”How about some drinks first?”
“Ok”

Sipping away we started talking. Roland knew both of us very well, leaving May and me to get to know each other but pitching every once in a while with that embarrassing piece of information neither of us would have volunteered; prompting me to change the subject quickly, and earning him yet another swift punch to the shoulder from May.

She turned out to be one of the nicest people I’ve met in quite a while and with a lot in common. We were both our parents’ first and only child, brought up in Europe and dying to get back there. We both confessed to liking animated features but too embarrassed to go alone, Rowling and Tolkien fans we hit it off right away.

We later ordered dinner and ate in relative silence, it turned out I wasn’t the only one hungry after a long day of nothing but nerves.

Summer Camp

That night I slept uneasily, turning from side to side with memories flashing through my head, and things I haven’t thought about in a long time. They all came back as if it happened yesterday. It was her eyes; I could have sworn that they changed since I saw her at the pool, they hit too close too home, and now I couldn’t get them out of my mind. When I did finally manage to get to sleep, familiar dreams started to surface

I got to see a lot of Sarah that final summer before she fell ill, and I couldn’t believe my luck. I mean what does a beautiful girl like this want to hang out with me for; I just couldn’t figure it out.

“A penny for your thoughts.” We were at the lakeside sitting next to each other watching the sun setting down over the lake.
I finally plucked up enough courage to ask her what was on my mind, “You can have any guy in school, most are better looking than I am, why me?”
“Silly boy. It’s questions that come out of the blue like that. You’re far more interesting than the others.”
“Interesting doesn’t account for the time you’ve been spending with me lately.”
She then reaches out pulls me closer, “Do I have to initiate everything in this relationship?” and gives me my first kiss.

You know how they say; you never forget your first kiss or the girl that gave it to you. It’s not just a cliché, I still remember her smell that evening, the taste or her lipstick, and every feature of her face as I took it in my hands. After that we were inseparable. We never missed a sunset together.

Near the end of the summer it got too cold for most of the outside activities, so we were bunched inside doing whatever came to mind. Chess, checkers, computer games, there was an endless list but it wasn’t the same as being outside canoeing on the lake or climbing the local rock face. The summer was ending and I didn’t want it to. This was one summer I was going to remember for the rest of my life, and Sarah was going to make sure of that.

It was on one of the final cold days I found out what that sparkle in her eyes hid behind it.

Whispering, “James; what do you say we blow this place?”
“Sure, what did you have in mind?”
“Follow my lead.”

Slipping past the guardians, we left the main hall through the kitchen door, she lead me to her groups’ bunker.

“What do you have up your sleeve?”
“The summers near an end and I’m not waiting for you to make a move.”
I stopped dead in my tracks; this wasn’t happening, “Hold on…”
“What are you stopping for; do you want to get caught?”
“Caught doing what exactly?”
“Don’t be coy, get moving.”
Reaching the bunkhouse, I was having second thoughts, “Are you sure?”
One word and the last exchanged between us that day, “Yes.”

With that memory lingering in my mind, I woke up the next morning with a smile on my face.

The Pyramids

We’d decided last night to do some sightseeing the next day. Meeting up next morning we took a cab to the pyramids, and to tell you the truth I wish I hadn’t. They were disappointing in real life. I would have liked to keep my notions about the pyramids. The mystery they keep talking about on documentaries, the accuracy of building, and the relationship to the cosmos, even the cartoon explanations of the sphinx loosing its nose. I mean who doesn’t remember Obelix sitting on the nose and breaking it off. It was all dust and stones, and not as half as grandiose as I pictured.

“So what do you think James?”
“I think I’m disappointed.”
“Do we call it a day here, and see the rest of Cairo?”
“Let’s go.”
“Hold on you two, I’ll see you guys tonight, I promised to drop by my aunt’s house before I left Cairo.”
“Ok, we’ll meet you back at the hotel. Come on Roland I really feel like pizza for lunch.”

Too Good to Last

After summer camp we took every opportunity to see each other during the fall and winter of that year, little did I know it was all coming to a crashing end that spring.

“What’s wrong Sarah, you’ve been avoiding me all last week, not to mention spring break?”, finally catching up to her after school. She then turned around and that was the first time I noticed. She was much thinner, had dark circles around her eyes, and was near to tears. She wouldn’t look at me eye to eye. I took her face in my hands, and she tried to turn away, “No, not until you tell me what’s wrong.”

She threw all her inhibitions away, and started sobbing.

I took her home, and it wasn’t till an hour later that she could put two coherent words together. Most of that time she spent with her face buried against my chest crying, and all I could do was to hug her and keep quite.

“I have cancer.”
“Wha…”
“I know; It can’t be, I’m too young, I’ve heard it all from my family. It’s just that kind of cancer, it’s called lymphoma.” That shut me up for a while, and let the shock settle in. So we just sat there in each other’s arms looking out the balcony.

It wasn’t quite spring yet, the breeze still had a sting to it coming through the window, but the rose buds in the garden were getting an early start this year. Just then the whole world turned black, it would never look the same without her, I couldn’t stand to lose her, and nothing meant more to me than just holding her not wanting to let go.

I later got the full story out of her, and that she was starting chemotherapy next week. A few months, and she would be fine, that was the plan anyway. It turned out to be three years later, and on our way to the car from her last visit to the hospital..

“James, I will always love you, and that, no one can take away from either of us.”
“I love you too, but I’m afraid you’ll never find out how much.” Tears were streaming down both my cheeks not bothering to wipe any of them away. She did though, and took my face in her hands this time.
“I already do.” Standing in the middle of the car park, she whispered something in my ear that I never forgot till the day I died.

On the Nile Again

Later that night, meeting up with May again we decided to have a late night out on the Nile, our last night in Cairo. We were all leaving the next day. Back at the riverbanks we found one of those small tour boats and took a short ride on the river. Just a small way away were the bridges and streets all lit up for the night, bustling with cars and people, but you could hardly hear them, all you could hear was the gentle whish of water lapping up against the boat, that and the rocking should have put me totally at ease, but there was something bugging me, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve felt that way though, but it was the last.

“What’s wrong James?”
“Roland, it’s one of those bugging feelings I get.”
“Oh no,” Raising his hands in a fending away gesture, “Every time you get one of those feelings, things that can’t go wrong, do.” Turning to May “The last time he got one of those feelings was after we’d had lunch at my place. We live about two minutes apart. He gets in the car and tells me something’s bothering him but he can’t put his finger on it. He starts the car and pulls away, two seconds later a guy out of nowhere swerves; hits him head on, and we’re rushing him to the hospital.”
“Come on you guys, I mean I’ve had my share of bad luck, and that was all it probably was.”
“You don’t know James. I have a dozen of these stories. Once in chem. lab we were supposed to mix up Aspirins’ basic ingredients, and viola get an Aspirin. We both use the same set of basic chemicals, and do it by the book, with the weighing and everything, and who’s the only one to ends up with a purple pill? You guessed it; James.”
“You can’t be serious. You can’t compare that to a car wreck and hospital.”
“Ok not the best example, there was this time…”
“Can we drop the subject Roland, I feel apprehensive enough without you dragging up every failure you can think of.” He would never know how on the spot he really was. That was the first time I had one of those feelings, and it wasn’t long after Sarah had died, and did I mention purple was her favorite color.
“Sorry”
“Come on the boat ride’s about to end. Coffee anyone?”

We found a nice café on an island in the middle of the river, with live entertainment promised till the wee hours of the morning. Now this was really a city that never slept, I mean it was well past midnight by now and the streets were just as busy as they were during the day. We went in and found a decent enough table as far as we could get from the loudspeakers, man were they loud!

Raising his voice a little “When’s your flight tomorrow James?”
“High Noon.”, Putting on one of those fake western imitations.
“Mine is later, but you have the same return flight as May here.”
Shouting to be heard, “What?”
“I was just telling James you both have the same flight home tomorrow.”
“Good, I could use some company on the flight home. The girl I came with changed her plans and left earlier today.”
“I’ll pick you up at your hotel, is that ok with you?”
“Fine. What time?”
“Does nine sound ok?”
“That’s jumping the gun a little don’t you say? We’re only thirty minutes away from the airport.”
“Better safe than sorry.”, my usual motto.
“I believe that’s his motto in life.” Roland gleefully added.
“Why I should…”
“What? What did I say?”
“Oh you’re going to get it. Just wait till I see you alone back home.”
“I think I’ll extend my stay for a few days.”
“You are just incorrigible.”
“Thank you.”

The Home Stretch

Early the next morning, not long after I got back from our last night out; showered, packed, and ready to go, I left the room, checked out, and got into a cab headed for the other hotel.

The streets were quiet this early in the morning, but finding a cab was not the problem I thought it would be this early. Riding down central Cairo; all around it was coming to life, shopkeepers starting another day of barter and bargains, people catching buses to work, even a couple saying goodbye to each other on a corner and the guy kissing his kid who wouldn’t let go. Thinking, “It’s just another day to them.” The morning air was still fresh and cool, no sign of the smog that would cover the city in a few hours, and I was making very good time. The hotel loomed at the end of the street. Big surprise I was early.

Knocking on room 4307, I soon heard mumbling inside and the rustle of clothes being put on. She opened the door with a head of wet hair and an attire that looked very hurriedly put on.

“I’m sorry, I know I’m early, but you wouldn’t believe the streets.”
Obviously irritated in a tone that made me wince inside “What wouldn’t I believe about the streets?”
“They’re empty, never mind I’ll wait in the lobby till you’re finished.”
“Don’t be silly come in, but you do know what this means.”
I had no idea, shaking my head “What?”
With a smile on her face “Were going to see the local papyrus shop before we leave.”
That; I should have seen coming a mile away. She’s testing my better safe than sorry attitude. For once I had to go along, I was the one who gave her the reason to begin with.

“Me and my big mouth.” I should have waited in the lobby then called up. So much for planning ahead, what was with me lately?

“Earth to James.”
“Huh.”
“Are you coming in or not?”
Still standing in the doorway “Oh, sorry.”
“Where do you go when you zone out?!”
Smirking and coming into the room “Nowhere in particular.”
“Oh there is a somewhere. I just wish I knew where and what you were concocting up there, I really do.”
“Maybe I’ll take you there someday, and show you my secret lab.”
“Well while you’re dreaming up labs, I still haven’t had my first coffee of the day and after a night like last night I really need one. I’m calling room service.”
“Go right ahead, don’t count me in though, I don’t drink coffee.”
“At all.”
“At all.”
“Your loss, personally I can’t function without the stuff. Hello room service?”
“I can see.”
“Now what does that mean?”
“Nothing.” Pointing to the handset.
“Coffee please, black.” Putting down the phone “Now back to your last remark.”
“Oh no, I’m not going down that road. Not with you without your coffee and all.”
Incredulously “And all?!”
“Ok, now I know you’re cranky without your coffee. I’ll sit here and be quite.”

She gave me one of those I’ll get you when I’m thinking straight looks and started packing. A couple of coffee cups later and she was much more amiable. Not to mention finally ready to go.

After picking out some hand painted papyrus posters we headed to the main street to get a cab.

“Oh my God! I thought you said the streets were empty.”
“They were.”

It was unbelievable, the not so long ago quite streets were packed, people, cars, even pull carts; and the smothering smog was back.

“Maybe we shouldn’t have stopped for…”
I interrupted “No use talking about it now, quick we have to find a cab.”
“How much time till our flight?”
“We still have just under two hours. In this traffic I hope we can make it.”

Flagging down a cab and getting our suitcases in, we started moving slowly but steadily forward, and when the cabbie knew when our flight was, we were threading through the lanes and between cars. Wherever he found a jam, he sidetracked, and found another way. The guy was good, I mean real good; he seemed to know every road in the city. This went on for about another 30 minutes and I had no idea if we were getting any closer.

“How long till we get there?”
“You’ll get there in plenty of time, maximum 30 minutes. Just one more bridge we have to pass.” And that was where the trouble was. It was blocked by the police!

“What’s going on?”

The cabbie ignored me and got out to talk to one of the cops. Quite an animated conversation went on for a while, every once in a while pointing back at us. But it was no use. The cabbie came back.

“Sorry, the roads are closed, presidential convoy.”
“For how long?”
“They said maybe half an hour.”
“Can we still make it?”
“Plenty of time.”

During all this May was sitting in the back as cool as a cucumber. I had never, in all my life, seen someone so self-controlled. We checked out of the hotel, and at this time of year they were packed, so if we missed the flight we had nowhere to stay. My ticket at least was non-negotiable, so there goes more money down the drain, and another ticket back was going to cost. But she never broke a sweat.

“Aren’t you worried?”
“Yes, a little.”
“You certainly don’t show it.”
“There’s no use in panicking. If we’re late, we’re late.”

We sat there talking for a while, she was throwing subjects at me left and right to get my mind of the flight, all the while keeping half an eye on her watch.

“You’d make a good psychiatrist.”
“I would?!”
“You’ve been trying to slow my pace down ever since this morning.”
“Worst case scenario we miss our flight, and get a later flight.”
“True, but…”
“No buts, look they’ve opened the bridge again”

Finally we got moving again, the streets were moving a lot faster now. Now we were getting somewhere.

We reached the airport with 20 minutes to spare before the flight, got out of the cab, gigantic tip, took our suitcases, and went in.

“Sorry your flight leaves from the other terminal.”
“What?!!”
“It’s just two miles down the road sir.”
“Calm down James, we’ll get another cab, we still have time.”
“Fifteen minutes isn’t enough time.”
“Stop it! It is.”
Back outside there wasn’t a taxi in sight. “Brilliant. Any other bright suggestions?”
“Hey don’t take it out on me.”
“Sorry.”
“Look there’s a bus heading the right way.”

It was all the way on the other side of the car park, and we started running dragging our suitcases behind us “At least they’re light, thank God for small favors”

“JAMES, LOOK OUT!”

The last thing I heard was the screeching of tyres.

Answers

Sitting up “What…?”
“You’re friend is fine, you on the other hand…”
“Sarah!” She was even more beautiful than I remembered. Dressed all in white with, of course, a purple sash.
“I told you I’d keep an eye out for you. I was your guardian angel. But you just kept ignoring the signs I sent you.”
“Was? Signs?”
“You don’t need one anymore.”
Finally it dawned on me “It was you, the purple aspirin, the bugging feelings every time something was about to go wrong. All you.”
“The car accident back home you barely got out of. This time you weren’t so lucky. I’ve failed.” She looked down struck.
“No. I haven’t waited this long to see you smile again, only to get tears.”
“But…”
“All I care about is you. You haven’t failed. I’m just where I want to be; with you.” That put a tentative smile back on her face.
“You still…”
“I never stopped.”